DEALING WITH PROBLEM (S)



I took a sip of mom’s tea or having snacks while my eyes set straightly to a drama series (Turkey, recently) or taking a good snap for my instagram; everytime I feel like ‘huh?’ over my life. Either because I’m to perplexed to think of solution to my problem, or I just can’t state what exactly my problem is. I feel like ‘huh?’ and those above are kind of my medication.

There was a moment when I have to deal with a problem, a lot of thoughts alternately came through my mind. Mostly begins with a question in my head, then come alternatives A, B, C along with each option’s plus minus. It’s like you were listening to a scenario, but this, happen inside your head. Chill, if you think you can’t imagine, because neither can I.



Then what?
I will keep on thinking about it and only thinking and doing literally nothing, as if I was dealing with it by oneself. I forgot one thing. I have Allah.
A conversation between a Mom and her Daughter consciously cause me to realise it.
Mom asked Daughter for praying before sleep and don’t be afraid when you sleep in dark as the lamp is off and Daughter agreeably said so, while affirming that afraid is irrelevant after you pray, because Allah’s with you. It is okay if we can’t see Allah, for Allah can always sees you.

It brought my tears blurred my sight, literally and metaphorically, as what Daughter said is true. Also the fact it is coming from a four-going-to-five-years-old girl.




God, I have a big problem. Hey problem, I have a BIG GOD!

GRADUATION: AN END, A BEGINNING



I came to my friends’ college graduation ceremony some time ago. Graduation. I don’t know if I like this thing or not, I mean, it’s actually only like one-day-happiness. Though I really enjoyed organizing all of the graduation needs, like, wondering the wardrobes, gift preparation, and all. I really enjoyed it like I don’t want it reminds me about the day after it. I don’t want it’ll be both the end of school and our friendship. It was one of days in our life where we’d busy spending our phone’s battery for taking photos and never feel enough because we know, we were in the doorstep of separation. I know separation is a must, and for whatever reason it been made, I choose to believe that it is for the good. One that I know, we’ll never be the same all over again. Our relationship either will gets tighter than ever or getting loose and looser. And I hate the second option.

You walked across that graduation stage and hugged your best friends, promising to stay in touch and vowing to be friends forever. Four years have passed and facetime calls have become casual text messages that have become once a month check in’s that have now become awkward run in’s at coffee shop because no one can pinpoint where the friendship ended but it has.
(Chelsea Camerlin)

Maybe some of us experienced it. As the time goes by, the friendship fades and says goodbye. So let’s just no promises, no vows. Let’s live based on how we used to. The difference’s just, we won’t sit together and talk as often as usual. But please keep the conversation going. Even if it’s just a short hi.

Or perhaps we can try to keep the conversation away for a while, just to increase our longing to meet in person. If it works, when we meet just in time, I hope we will engage in an endless conversation with no shortage of chatter like never before.





 Dear whoever who's just graduate, Congratulations! Graduation is both an end and a beginning. End of college life, beginning of real life.

x, Virga Maleva
 

ARE WE GOOD? I DON'T KNOW, YOU TELL ME.

 
 
In the beginning, I wrote to you and you wrote back. For the first time, I had something worth writing about.

Then somewhere during our correspondence I deviatedand instead of writing to you, I began writing for you. There was so much to say, things I couldn't tell you and I sensed it was important to put it down somewhere. For inherently mankind are compelled to record the greatest moments in our history (and you were mine).


I don't write to you anymore. Nor do I write for you. But I do writeand every word still aches for you. 



Lang Leav, History





SEE THE GOOD IN OTHERS



Saya pernah menggunakan kata “memesona” untuk mengungkapkan satu atau beberapa orang yang menarik secara fisik menurut saya. Padahal kata “memesona” dengan kata dasar “pesona” tidak sekadar apa yang ada di luar. Pesona berasal dari dalam diri kita dan karenanya tidak dapat kita lihat. Saya memilih untuk percaya bahwa jika pada akhirnya pesona meliputi hal-hal yang terlihat menarik dari luar, maka berlaku juga bahwa pesona mencakup hal-hal yang membuat seseorang terlihat menarik dari dalam, yaitu hatinya. Bagi saya, #MemesonaItu ketika kita mampu dan mau melihat hal-hal baik yang ada di dalam diri seseorang. Terlepas dari bagaimana rupa fisiknya, terlepas dari hal-hal tidak baik pada dirinya, termasuk kesalahan yang pernah dilakukannya. Ketika seseorang memilih untuk tidak hanya melihat dari satu sisi, tetapi mempertimbangkan alasan apa yang membuat seseorang berperilaku sebagaimana adanya mereka, dan mencoba menutupi prasangka yang telah ada dengan mengingat kebaikannya, maka ia memesona.

Saya bukan orang yang selalu dapat melihat kebaikan dalam diri orang lain. Meski saya harus katakan bahwa itu tidak mudah, saya masih berusaha untuk itu. Cara termudah yang selama ini saya lakukan adalah dengan mengingat kembali kebaikan-kebaikan yang telah seseorang lakukan kepada saya, orang lain, atau sesederhana ini: hal-hal baik yang telah atau sedang ia coba lakukan untuk dirinya sendiri.
 

Perasaan iri mungkin pernah dialami setiap orang. Rasa tidak suka yang muncul ketika kita melihat keadaan orang lain seakan selalu lebih baik daripada keadaan kita. Ketika seorang teman perempuan selalu terlihat lebih cantik dengan warna kulit yang lebih cerah, yang mungkin saja (tanpa kita tahu) dia dapatkan karena dia lebih rajin dari kita dalam hal mencuci wajah dan merawat tubuh secara teratur. Ketika seorang rekan terlihat lebih kaya dan mempu membeli barang-barang mahal, yang tanpa kita tahu bahwa ia lebih rajin menabung dari kita, lebih mampu menentukan prioritas dari kita dalam pembuatan keputusan akan benda-benda yang perlu atau tidak perlu untuk dibeli. Ketika kita melihat kehidupan orang lain di sosial media sepertinya begitu mudah dan enak, tanpa tahu kerja keras yang mereka lakukan di balik itu, yang tidak kita lihat. Terkadang kita membiarkan perasaan iri menang sehingga membuat hati kita tertutupi dari kebaikan dalam diri orang lain.
 

I used to be a bad-tempered person. Ya, bisa dibilang saya adalah orang galak, egois, dan tidak sabaran dengan nada bicara ketus dan tatapan mata tajam. Dulunya saya tidak menyadari sifat saya ini, well sebenarnya orang-orang di sekitar saya kerap memberi clue hanya saja saya tidak mau mengakuinya. Sampai akhirnya saya menyadarinya ketika saya kelas sepuluh, namun saya baru benar-benar mulai mencoba memperbaiki diri ketika saya kuliah. Waktu yang cukup lama untuk sebuah keputusan menjadi lebih baik. Saya kuliah di jurusan psikologi. Selama masa-masa kuliah, jujur saja terkadang saya merasa tersindir oleh hal-hal yang dipelajari dalam mata kuliah tertentu. (Tunggu dulu, lanjutkan membaca) misalnya ketika sedang belajar psikologi kepribadian, saya pernah merasa topik yang dibahas seakan menyindir saya ini orang seperti apa. Kemudian muncul keinginan itu; saya ingin menjadi pribadi yang lebih baik. Saat saya merasa tidak sabaran dan berkata ketus, saya mencoba untuk lebih bersabar, tidak langsung bereaksi atas hal-hal yang menyulut amarah saya.

Ada seorang teman yang dulunya merupakan teman dekat saya, namun perlahan ia menjauh sampai sekarang akhirnya benar-benar jauh walau sedekat apapun jarak fisik kami. Itu juga karena sifat buruk saya. Awalnya saya marah padanya, namun seiring berjalannya waktu saya justru berterima kasih padanya karena telah membuat saya belajar menjadi lebih baik. Terkadang arti kehilangan bukan selalu tentang apa yang hilang, tapi apa yang kita dapat. In my case, I got a lesson.

Sampai saat ini saya masih terus berusaha. Bersabar, berbicara pelan-pelan, mencoba berpikir positif tentang diri saya dan orang lain. Atas perbuatan tidak baik orang lain, saya berusaha untuk tidak langsung menghakimi, tetapi mencoba melihat diri saya di posisi mereka. Akankah saya mampu berbuat lebih baik? Belum tentu. Saya ingin mencoba mengerti, karena seperti yang saya ungkapkan sebelumnya, saya percaya selalu ada alasan. Saya ingin melihat hal-hal baik dibalik itu semua, dan saya berharap juga diperlakukan seperti itu.
 
Setiap kita adalah berbeda, even the identical twins are different. Kita hari ini adalah akumulasi dari pilihan-pilihan kita di masa lalu. Perbedaan pilihan yang kita pilih mengantarkan kita menuju pengalaman berbeda, dan karenanya membentuk kita menjadi individu yang berbeda. Alangkah indahnya jika kita mau menghargai perbedaan di antara kita, dengan terlebih dahulu memahami, melihat apa yang baik dalam buruk yang terlihat. Saya masih berusaha, dan kamu, marilah bersama berusaha untuk itu, karena ketika kamu mampu dan mau melihat hal-hal baik yang ada di dalam diri seseorang, kamu #Memesona.

 




Don't be so quick to judge others, you might have taken yourself into a slight way. You never know what kind of battle they're fighting and it might be worse than yours. They might have a fake but convincing smile, and you would never know how many wounds they have inside, how their hearts are severely broken.

- Pramita Handarini

IS IT A LONG WAY TO GO?




March's nearly comes to an expire, and the coming of April is in sight. It hits me that twenty seventeen runs faster than I expected. If I may thought about another possibilities, it's either the time indeed runs faster or it's me, start doing everything more slowly. I never like to admit that I was wrong *singing* so I choose to believe that it’s the time that runs faster, followed by so many things that happened in the last three months that sometimes I can’t understand of what is going on.


This year was started by my friend’s announcement of her decision to take her love life relationship a step further and higher (into a marriage), and it happened in the very first day of 2017. The fact the she’s marrying our schoolmate in senior high was what surprise me and a lot of my friends too, considering they’ve never seen together or even knowing each other. Still that happens, and in the fate, written.

Followed by a little talk with a friend (great friend, because she does) about the present and the future. Well, I have to admit that I’d always love to having conversation with her, precisely listening to her opinions and thoughts, even about the smallest things. What she said was always matter, and she said it in the easiest way for me to understand. That day, she told me about registering for master degree and her future career plan. And I’ve been informed that she’s accepted, in the same day. Her love for movies, is another side of her that I like too since movies was the most likely thing that connecting us. She once told me her overly fond of movies eventually runs her to make sort of documentation about movies she watched recently and share it for others; but not that I noticed. Later on that day I just knew that she’s still keep doing it. Another great thing of her? Consistency. I like the way she’s just knows what to choose in her life, and that’s great. It was a face-to-face convo with her after year(s)—not sure, but it was quite long time we haven’t met—and I can say that it was a literally quality time.

Another wedding of my friends—two of my friends; my friends’ graduation; my mom and my dad’s birthday; the birth of my nieces—one is my cousin’s and one is my sister’s daughter, which makes me officially becoming aunty. I’ve been so excited since she was still inside the tummy that I even have a nickname for her. When she was born, I know everything will never be the same as before but she brings happiness around her. So... if I may not good enough for someone, I hope I can be a good aunt for her. 



The last three months was another reminder of how old I am (by age, of course. I'm forever young at heart) already, witnessing my friends getting married one by one, try to build up their little family, expecting a baby, so on and on. Involuntarily, our generation is up a level for becoming parent. And I am, questioning myself if I’m ready for it all someday. Is it a long way to go? 


I remember that sometimes I just can’t understand about one thing and another. I’m always be the last to know about something and it exasperated me much. While knowing too much and understanding too little is sucks too, I prefer knowing entirely none at all.


(P.S. while writing this I am wondering where’s my destination, looking forward for any understandable informations and events, and three wedding invitations are already in the waiting list for April..................)