Wednesday, September 14, 2016

It's a stiflingly hot night. Standing here, I crave for some night views from the balcony. There are not so many stars in the sky tonight. It's not that they're absent, I just dealing with limitedness of sight. At least that's what I've always remember--stars are always there. That's the moment when suddenly popped out of my head, a memory of a star who once came in my life.
This is happen now and almost every night before I slept soundly. Some unforgettable memories leaving marks and forced my mind recalling pastimes. Chances I didn't take, surroundings I've never paid attention to; wondering what differences would be brought if another choices were taken. 

I close my eyes, my face towards the sky and all I see is you. You have those bright eyes. The way you smirked when you tease somebody, or your mischievous smile across the room, described it best and I must confess that I liked it. It was easy. Seeing you far from here was easy. Right up until the universe conspires to put us closer. You're so into rock and I'm pop, you liked mountain and I prefer beach, you're kind of everyone would adore and I'm a freak sitting in the corner, you'd put up potential conversation pieces and I'm the one who always brought things into silent. You're so high and I'm down here. One thing that I'm sure of, it felt so wrong. I used to believe we could see things clearer in a closer way. On the contrary, it was all concretely blurred around us.
Everything went uncertain as we lived by groping the future. We asked for a lot but none that we got--not a bit. We could act like we enjoyed it but silently we know, step outside from the whole meretricious is an obligation. I looked around me, everybody was all enjoyed and so peaceful. Unlike me, my heart was thumping thousand beats in a minute within anticipation about what I'm gonna do. I'm as if pretending to be confused, because of all the offered options, I know exactly what to pick. I'm shaking, so I whispered to myself: this will led us to be real, as an encouragement.

As the wind blows featuring the sound of the singing leafs, I look back to one moment when you left me speechless. I used to be the one who did, except that time. You must heard the rush in my voice, the necessity, because we don't need much time until we reached the word 'agree'. The sound of cicadas bring me back to reality. I open my eyes and realize it took quite a long time--enough to grow a palm tree--to see it again objectively with much clearer mind and no hard feeling.
I must be looked so dazed and stupid, seeing how everything turned to be complicated. I take a stalk of broken-white rose, pull the rosebud out, one by one. Can we be healed over time through accepting, sincerely letting go, and slowly forgetting what couldn't be undone. Then I realize, some things cannot really be forgotten.

We'd never know what we're destined to be. There will always those mysteries and curiosities that are not meant to be answered. Things like why things didn't worked out, maybe I'm figure it out already. Star. We can't see it up close since its lights are too blinded. That's how we supposed to be. Here comes the distance, so I can see you right where you are--where a star suppose to be seen from: a f a r.
As I see white tiny line speedily passing through the sky, I'm questioning myself if it's a falling star. At a glance, I wonder if it was a sign to show me that you'd still remember it too, but I reluctantly admit. Sighing, I smile toward the dark sky and turn around. I open and close the door slowly to minimizing possible noises, get in to the next journey of anything life would offer.
"All I know, I don't have any reasons to stay here any longer."
"All I know, things don't always need reasons."
". . . . ."

There is always a lovely way to look at things, you know?
Like the days we spent apart, are as beautiful and essential as the spaces between the stars.
- Christopher Poindexter

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