Monday, September 05, 2016

We fall apart when we didn't have the chance to start.

There was someone I knew, several years ago. Unless one of my best friends told me about him, I'd never notice him. I didn't see him around like literally. Or maybe I did see him, but I just not really stared at him because I was staring at something else--or someone. Since that day, I think I saw him more often. He'd just there, in every corner. Always showed up everywhere like shadows. Since that day, some of his friends start to put attention on me. Sometimes they conveyed me something from him, which is I'd like it better if he's the one who gave it to me directly. I'm not those cool kids, these kind of public attention make me slightly uncomfortable.
I don't know if he's kind of mind reader or something because I never told anybody but he started to make a contact with me, directly. He'd like to know my likes and dislikes. And I found he wasn't like what I think he was. I never thought how a person who likes to deliver something through his friends appears to be such a talkative one. He likes to tell stories. He likes to throw his opinions about small things. And he liked to ask me about any little things that raise my happiness like no one ever could. He once said how naive I am and he'd like to makes fun of it. Another fact surprises me when I knew aside from how cheerful and tend to be wild and careless he is, he has this side--he told my best friend about his struggle for love.
Later on, I seemed start to get used to his existence. I ever asked him why did he always show up like shadows. He didn't answer me. After a thoughtful pause he asked me with a bit hesitation, why am I being such magnetic. All I can do was glued.

If you ever read Disney stories or watched Disney movies about how the Princes come with all their warmth and gentleness, he came the same way only in realistic version. He didn't offered a happy ending. He just showed his best efforts as a human being. He might did his best already.
Unfortunately, I didn't.

We were more than just good friends, but this is how it ends. The saddest thing is, of all the good parts of what has happened, fact that sometimes some things do fall apart before they even have the chance to start is what I remember the most.
Everybody hurts, so I think it's okay for me to be afraid. I think I was afraid of losing him. But can we really lose something that was not even ours?

There's never one particular reason why two people are pulled apart. All these years later, I have stopped looking for answers. I know better now, that love is never a guarantee. Not when you have the rest of the world to contend with.
Sometimes you have to step back and look at these things from a philosophical standpoint. And I know loving him has taught me something about myself, it has broadened my understanding of the world. And if it has done the same for him, then it wasn't all in vain.
- Lang Leav, Lullabies

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