It’s been three wintertide passed yet it still have me indulge in the reminiscence. We met within unplanned moment where I was volunteering and you were too. I was startled when you were the one talking to me first because I presume myself as a kind of nobody-ever-paid-attention-to kid. I just never thought it was you, because nobody ever does like you do. And because it never comes to my mind hoping you will ever notice me of all the friends you meet. I remember that day when I dealed with a tiny unimportant thing and you’re the one to show up, it’s like suddenly you became my someone to turn to.

But nothing’s more. It was our second and last conversation through a week of voluntary. For a few moment, I take it as a week winter fling. Beyond my expectation, turns out you did not see me as only a fling. Or so I thought.

I remember it was the first day after summer break. It was you standing there with a bit surprised stare. At first I was uncertain, whether should I say hi but I didn't. I elapsed, and your shade remain. Funny that we bumped into each other later on, in a room, and you were kind of greeted me first.. again. "Hey, you drop that paper," you said. Startled, I said, "Oh? Right." That's the moment when I took a seat right next to you. Something I'd never do. We're sunk in a small talk. I was happy, though this talk leads nowhere, it was a real conversation. Unless I didn't read what you wrote, I'd never anticipating it. You didn't do it explicitly, but I know it was me.

We never asked for each other's number

There was no more 'bumped into each other'

I knew you're suffering for not seeing me afterwards, and I was too

And did you agitated that night when I got a late night gift? Because if I were you, I'll do

Well, we'd still met sometimes but I didn't have courage to talk to. None of us. These things starts to getting loose and unsteady. All I want is please don't hate me. Because whatever you'd ever think of me, I wish you to always be happy.


You’ve been picking up the pieces you did not break, those irresponsible one did instead. You were tracking the traces of love that once existed, trying to fill all empty spaces left.

You’d say go out and celebrate happiness freely but I shook my head. Tell me why you shouldn’t, you asked, and I replied, do you think this couldn’t be that bad?

This time you answered me with a slight nod, and your cold eyes never leaving my own.

Your cold eyes are not that cold. If must there be one that cold, it’s me, just like what they’ve always said. So cold I’ve been frozen for a while until that day. That day when you came and melt me all the way.

I am cold, as the ice. And you are the sun. While everyone fighting over your warmth I'm stand still right here, watching. Just being in this distance from you was close enough to make a change in me. Because what can the sun does to the ice? The sun makes the ice melts.
(courtesy of

If being the ice means being complete, a whole of self, then I think it’s better to be half. So that you can fill the other half. Do you ever heard old conversation of a glass with half water and half air? Some says it’s half full, other says it’s half empty. I don’t care full or empty, as long as it is half, then it’s good. In a glass full of water, we cannot added more. Likewise the heart. Our heart.


"These couples last week I've been feeling up and down quite a lot, not always in manageable order.
When my heartbeat got raised to triple the normal and I can feel my fingers starting to be shaky, I know I won't be able to survive the day without crying.

And I do cry, a lot; because just like you, I know it's unbearable to be weak (and desperately need to be accompanied), or because I know things are not going as I planned, or that others can hurt you unintentionally when you least expected.

Sometimes I remember a particularly good memory and that can burst my tears out, too.

But hell, I cry many times.
We all cry - only sometimes without the tears.

Cry when you feel like the day is bad and the person who failed you will keep coming to bring the pain.
Because after you let the heart out into that crystallized air you'd inhale to take a deep breath, you know it's just a bad day instead of a bad life; and that you have a full control of your own life so everybody else who doesn't respect that will not be welcomed back.
Yes, cry and soak the strength of being vulnerable into your flesh and bones.
Days can be hard as hell, but you will always have many tomorrows to try again

- C

Tiny little thought written by my fave blogger, C, which is in accordance with mine, lately. I think everyone has ever been feeling down too, right? I've been too. Especially when I tried to compare myself with others. When I see them one by one moving into a better phase of their life and thrive, while I feel I still in the same place. And the writing above just, know what I feel in every single word it speak. Reading her words just calm me down and feeling that I'm not alone. That I'm not the only one who feel this way. I'm not alone, and so are you.

This isn't my first post inspired by C, see also my previous post here ;)


Let me introduce you to my one and only fave website: POLYVORE! Polyvore adalah sebuah web dengan lingkup fashion, art, beauty, dan home living. Di web ini para penggila empat lingkup tersebut bisa berkreasi dengan membuat sebuah kolase (semacam layout majalah) sesuai keinginan. Hasil karya kita ini bisa disimpan dan bisa dilihat di halaman profil kita.

Saya menemukan web ini tahun 2013, di mana pada saat itu saya memang sedang membutuhkan wadah penyaluran minat dan bakat (maafin bahasanya!) karena web sejenis kesukaan saya yang sebelumnya is no more running. Saya sendiri sebagai penikmat fashion merasa sangat senang dengan adanya web ini, karena saya dapat menyalurkan ketertarikan saya terhadap fashion di sini; mix and match outfit from head to toe! Kalau saya lagi berkutat membuat kolase fashion di polyvore, rasanya saya pingin punya semua outfits yang ada di sana sambil berharap seandainya semua items yang saya pakai di kolase bisa tiba-tiba muncul di lemari baju saya (lol).

 Semua items yang ada di polyvore ini directly connected ke website yang menjual items tersebut. Jadi, kalau kita melihat sebuah item di polyvore, menyukainya, dan kepingin membelinya, kita tahu harus kemana. Polyvore adalah web yang sangat up-to-date. Produk terbaru dari suatu desainer pasti akan langsung muncul di halaman beranda web ini. Really fresh from the oven! Polyvore juga menggelar kontes secara berkala dan dalam suatu waktu bisa ada beberapa kontes sekaligus yang sedang berlangsung. Kontes? Apa yang muncul di benak kita saat mendengar / membaca kata kontes? Lomba? Hadiah? Exactly! Ada dua jenis kontes berdasarkan pengamatan saya, yaitu kontes yang hosted by Polyvore itself dan kontes kolaborasi antara Polyvore dengan suatu desainer, brand, atau pihak tertentu. Kontes yang digelar oleh Polyvore sendiri biasanya memang tidak ada hadiah, namun jika kita menang, it will boost up the likes on our creation (and followers if we are lucky) dan kita akan mendapat trofi. Well trofinya memang bukan trofi dalam bentuk fisik sih, tetapi hanya status yang akan terpampang di profil kita seperti ini:

Sedangkan kontes kolaborasi biasanya mengiming-imingi kita dengan hadiah tertentu, seperti produk-produk dari desainer atau brand terkait, tiket ke suatu acara, something like that. Lalu kita harus ngapain untuk ikut kontes tersebut? As I described Polyvore before, kita cuma tinggal bikin kolase aja dengan mengikuti rules yang ada di kontes. Kalo beruntung, menang. Gampang banget kedengarannya? Memang gampang banget, yang susah adalah bagaimana cara kita mendapatkan keberuntungan itu. Tapi, terkadang hal-hal yang tak terduga terjadi saat kita nggak mengharapkannya. Sometimes when you least expect it, good things happen. 
Bisa dibilang mungkin saya telah mengalaminya. Suatu ketika di awal tahun 2014 saya mengunjungi blog milik Polyvore. Ya, Polyvore juga mempunyai blog yang isinya cerita tentang kegiatan-kegiatan Polyvore seperti Polyvore Meet Up Member, liputan festival Coachella oleh lucky Polyvore member, feature-feature terbaru di Polyvore, dan juga kontes. Di situlah saya membaca bahwa Polyvore sedang menyelenggarakan kontes yang menggiurkan. Kontes di mana kita harus membuat sebuah rangkaian fashion collection dengan tema SPRING (MUSIM SEMI) yang berhadiahkan salah satu item yang kita pakai di dalam koleksi tersebut (tanpa syarat, item apapun yang kita pakai!). Kalau buat saya sih menggiurkan banget ya. Kontes ini ternyata tidak dipublish di web, sehingga kita tidak bisa melihat siapa saja yang mengikuti kontes dan tidak bisa melihat hasil karya orang lain yang ikut kontes. Lantas bergabunglah saya dengan kontes ini, saya submit beberapa koleksi dengan harapan untuk meningkatkan kemungkinan saya bisa menang. But actually I do not put high hopes on this contest. Beneran, I was like, yaudah ikut aja, kalo nggak menang pun, toh saya senang melakukan ini. 
But lucky me, ternyata saya menjadi salah satu pemenang dalam kontes ini (yes, pemenangnya lebih dari satu). Well, several weeks later I received a notification on my email informing that I got a message from Polyvore in my Polyvore account. Jadi begitulah. Waktu itu saya masih ragu apakah barang yang saya menangkan benar-benar akan arrived safely in my hand. Kemudian dengan modal bahasa inggris pas-pasan, saya memutuskan untuk tanya-tanya dulu ke pihak Polyvore tentang prosedur pengiriman barang dan kemungkinan saya harus bayar pajak or anything else. Alhamdulillah mereka baik banget mau balas email saya dan menjelaskan dengan detail. Sekitar dua minggu kemudian, this stuff's landed safely in my home.

Secara pribadi saya suka sekali dengan hadiah ini, karena sepatu memang naturally menjadi salah satu barang kesukaan wanita. Tapi sebenarnya hak sepatunya terlalu tinggi buat saya dan saya memang bukan heels-darling >_<. But overall, I like it. Thanks a lot Polyvore!

Eli Khamarov once said that the best things in life are unexpected, because there were no expectations. Hal-hal di luar ekspektasi yang terjadi dalam hidup kita mungkin berperan sebagai pengganti atas hal-hal yang kita harapkan terjadi, tapi tidak. You know, they say we don't get what we want and we'll get something better.

Oh! And if you're curious about the collection that bring me to the victory, you can click here ;)